“The strongest force in the human personality is the need to stay consistent in how we define ourselves.”

Tony Robbins

In my recent post, Breaking Out of a Category, I discussed how questioning the "existing reality" or status quo will most likely invite resistance.

To take this further, how about the personal challenges Vito Acconci's statement in that post implies: “I’m using art as a means of changing myself, as a means of breaking out of a category"?

Is Tony Robbins correct? Is staying consistent in how we define ourselves the strongest force shaping our identity and behavior? Or does it depend on our age, experience, and social life or status? Many well-known artists changed their identity, approach, or artistic style (e.g., David Bowie). Some got away with it (e.g., Prince), some were lambasted by many of their biggest fans (e.g., Bob Dylan when he "went electric.")

“There are two kinds of people in the world… and who is not both of them? ”

James Richardson

Friends and family can be the most resistant to changes in how we define ourselves. The LGBTQIA+ community is no stranger to this, of course. (For a wonderful documentary on how early Hollywood snuck in non-conforming characters, check out "The Celluloid Closet.") There are often unwritten rules in families, groups of friends, and work environments to keep to your defined role and expected behavior. There's been much ink spilled in recent years about how the pandemic alienated people from their friends and family when expectations for agreement weren't met.

“The patient inherit everything the impatient leave behind.”

Shane Parish

I've been guilty of lazily adhering to expectations of people I've known for decades; it's a huge relief to recognize it in a relationship and open my mind and heart to the person who's in front of me and not the image I've crafted over the years. They may or may not meet my stereotyped expectations, but at least a "beginner's mind" gives me a chance to explore possibilities and break out of the categories.

Have you broken out of a category?  Have you reconsidered your expectations of someone you know well (or thought you knew well)?

Have you tried "making it up as you go along"?

(Feel free to share how it went--for good or ill--in the comments.)

“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said today. - ‘Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.’ -- Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson in “Self-Reliance”